Category Archives: Family connections

Being with a partner who is depressed

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imgresMy partner is experiencing a depression and sometimes I lose patience with him and I feel that’s not being very helpful.

Would it be helpful to live with someone who is without feelings? Would it be helpful to live with one who is so stoic and perfect? No, that’s unrealistic isn’t it? You must be who you are. And in that there are many different degrees of being human — anger, frustration, these are often the basis of love. Do not worry or question these feelings. You are not destructive. There is nothing within you that destroys. Your feelings are feelings of survival, of free will. It is this that you wish to stir in the one you love. 

You wish to stir his basic need of being and you are responding in all the natural, physical forms. You have not come to this physical plane to be angelic. Although you always radiate love. You are allowed all the emotions  – fear, anger, happiness. Understand that you are often mirroring and this is what he needs.

Sometimes I feel I am being sucked down into that black hole and have to struggle to get out.

Yes, and it is in these times that you must think of your free will, your own survival instinct. This “black hole” does not exist. It is simply a vibration you sense of hopelessness.  This is a part of his existence that he must love. It is a time for him to experience the feeling of not being in control, to feel like a child, to see the weakness of the human existence and find strength in it.

Don’t ever be afraid to show your anger.  He needs to learn that anger doesn’t have to be directed inward, or at any being, but can just be. There are many things within him that are waiting to be discovered.  He feels a need to look well in the eyes of others.  He is a kind and gentle being that has much within him that needs to be let out; temper and tears and anger that he has never expressed. To a father that was never there, to a mother that worried about small things that had little to do with his life. He could never speak of his feelings. Though I am not condemning them. Know that he has every ability to come through this time. He will come through stronger and it will not be a mask; it will be real.

 

The greatest learning the child has is from watching you, mother

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motherandbabyCheenu writes:

I really am down in I spirits and need someone wise to tell me good about myself.  I feel I’m not good mom when I see other moms and perhaps I’m not strong enough person to deal with life focusing on negatives or worrying about so many things. What’s good about me? I feel inferior so many times whether it is looks, being a mom, being a good person. Help me. I really need some encouragement. I need to hear about my strengths. Am I a good mom?  Please  tell me about me. I don’t know my good side!  How  do I overcome my mind ? What am I good at  as a person?

The guide’s response:

Blessed one, a mother that doesn’t have moments of wondering if she is giving that blessed child enough, or if it’s right for that child…. If a mother didn’t have those moments, I would say there was something to worry about. For every mother has moments of wondering and questions, because it is the one path you walk on that you draw from within. And if there a moment within from perhaps a physical experience, or a past life experience, or an understanding that you have, that you must draw on to be for this child.

The natural instinct is to love completely and to give life, nourishment, everything to the child.  But in your wonderful wisdom you know there must be more. You question what you draw on from your past. Is that what you want for your child?  You question what others do give their children. Is that what you want for your child?  It’s not about material things. It’s one of those elusive, amazing things that love supplies.

It’s the knowing, the knowing what a cry might mean, or what a silence might mean. And that can only be found by being with the child, seeing them, watching them. For their energy is part of your energy, and it is your job to bring them to a place where they can be strong enough to stand at the edge of the nest and fly, to soar like the most magnificent eagle.  And yes, it is a big job. And yes, it’s important to think about it—that a mother is a human being, a spirit in body, that teaches, that loves, that grows.

The greatest thing the child learns is from watching you. And that’s what you are questioning my dear. You question that you’re not happy. You question that you’ve made choices that you don’t feel you would make now. You worry about your relationship and wonder what that is teaching your child.

These are the things that are important to think about. And you do know, in the depth of your heart, where you live, where that perfection and beautiful light is, the survivor, the free will, that beautiful voice isn’t being heard. It’s not being heard by you and so it’s not being heard by your child.

Oh the burdens that lie upon you now, my dear, are very heavy. I’m not surprised that you feel frightened. But let’s dissolve that fear into love. Yes there are burdens on you but you would not change the fact that you’re a mother. You love the fact that you have this amazing life. And you will in every part of you choose what is right for that one. And that perhaps is why this one has come to be with you. To teach you to choose the right thing, for you and for the child.

Oh promises go many ways. It isn’t always the parent teaching the child; often it is the child teaching the parent. Bless you for asking. Bless you for feeling, even if it is sad or somewhat confused. Feel it, embrace it, and turn it into the light and love of who you be. For my child you are a brilliant light and you have much to do and many to teach. Bless you.

On promises with siblings and mothers

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imgres

I was thinking about the sibling relationship and wondering why they are so often difficult ones.

Often times they are promises between the two. So they are tasks of learning and growth. And always they are different. You do not have the same promises with one as with another sibling.

I’ve heard that the position in the family can be pivotal in how people go through their life.

It’s true, of course, that position in the family would affect one. It’s part of that attitude or energy. If there are already a multitude of beings present in the family that you arrive in, you are going to have a completely different outlook as you evolve.  But if you are the first one to step upon the scene and you are anointed   ability to make or unmake the lives of the parents, what a different responsibility that is!

And perhaps if you slipped in to the middle, and you knew that you weren’t the most exceptional in the first position, nor do you carry the weight of the baby being the most adored, perhaps in the middle you might be the one who sees how to make balance, how to go under the radar, how to figure out the pluses and the negatives of the family much more quickly than anyone else.

It is true, the position has a lot to do with it but mostly, the most important thing is the issues and the energy and the promises that you have come in to grow and learn. Many of them are not materialized until almost adulthood. That’s why you will see the greatest fights among siblings and families when you are an adult. It wont’ be when you are children.  For then you are still very immersed in that energy or attitude of the parents and the family vibration.

As soon as your head comes above the water, you identify yourself with who you be. You are a separate entity and you will take up arms against one that has been bothering you for a long time.

Great learning for us.

Yes, but often times many of these promises are so close to the heart. The emotions are the ones that carry the growth. And it’s hard to be in your head and separate from the issues and emotions to see clearly what is happening–that they simply need love, and to be seen and heard.

The most important being in your life from the early beginning until almost adulthood is the mother. She gives you life and nurturing. Well, at least should,  But you will see many where it wasn’t that way and it causes many distortions, not necessarily anything to do with the promises at hand. For often the promises with the mother are life-and-death ones. They are very clear and offer amazing growth, but not ones that you work out with great difficulty.

Except in some cases where there is failure to grow forward. That is the greatest frustration between mother and child—failure to grow. It can be on the mother’s part. It doesn’t necessarily be the child’s growth.Bless you all for your great love.

If you are to embrace the wonder of you, you must release all that was

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IMG_6866F asks about her difficult relationship with her brother. She feels he is cruel to her and has stopped trying to see him. She wants to know how to ease the pain.

My dearest one, you have such a shield up to protect yourself from barbs. But if you were to put that shield down, and if you were to think that the arrows coming at you were merely ones of love (ones coming from a place of fear and unacceptance), would you feel a need for the armor? No.

When beings send forth negativity it is because they are trying to protect themselves.  In other words, dearest one, your brother feels very unloved, unwanted, as if he was never seen by his parents.  He felt that you were loved more than him. He felt that others were always more important. He felt that he was not important, nor seen.  Sound familiar?

Yes, as you often feel in your own life, in your own path, so did your brother. He didn’t see that he was in a special position or a place of understanding. The opposite was true. In fact it was a mirror in many ways of that that you felt.  Oh yes, different circumstances perhaps, but the same attitude was placed upon him that was placed upon you.

So begin first by forgiving him and forgiving yourself. Forgiving and forgiveness is firstly the most important thing to do for yourself.  For it takes away expectations of changing or doing any act to undo that was.  Forget all that was. You do labor it so; you go back over and over to times that only cause anxiety and tension in your abdomen.

Yes, it’s true, he’s as angry at you as you are at him. But in truth it isn’t at each other though, but at perhaps the circumstances that you were present in.  If you could both just be at peace with who you are and how. You cannot undo that that was, but you can change now by the choices you make. If you change with one little way of thinking from negative to positive, you will then again love him–and yourself. And it matters not what he might say or do, if you believe that all that comes before you is because he truly loves you, you have the power do this, to change, to alter.

You are going around in a mad state right now.  Mad and angry, going over and over many issues that have truly nothing to do with you and your path. They are old perceptions of what you had, or were, or who you be.  Stop that talking. Stop that negative reel that goes on and on in your mind.

How do you stop it? By choosing to. When you hear yourself saying, “If only…”  Then go, “No. He does love me. And I love him.”   And that be it. Put nothing else to it. Hang no other negatives on it.

If you could channel all that energy that you put into worrying about this, think how much lighter you would be.  Let him carry his own burdens, hopefully to make himself peaceful. And you, dearest one, own yours. Each has a path that was united and affected by energies early on. But now you get to choose whether they still can affect you.  In order to do this, you must see this.

You go back and forth, two steps forward, three steps back.  You reach enlightenment and awareness—and then you go, “But what if, and what was and how come?”  No.  If you are to embrace the wonder of you, you must release all that was.  Thank it for creating the amazing being you are—no matter what it was—and move into the light of who you be.

And trust in yourself. For a thought can be a wish, can be a prayer.  And are your prayers worthy of you?  I believe you are a wondrous being, my dear. BE.

Love between a mother and a son

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IMG_2926-1Sable writes: 

My son has had problems for the past 14 years.  I have always been there for him supporting him, providing shelter, listening to him, sending money.  I am not sure if the way I have been supporting him has been in his best interest.  I love him very much.  He has a beautiful heart, and is a gentle soul.  But he keeps putting himself in situations, where he calls me to bail him out.  But now, I am very tired of the drama, and don’t want to hear it anymore.  And I’ve also asked him not to ask me for money anymore.  And as I explained to him, I am on a limited income and am not in a position to send him money. But the boundary keeps sliding.  The last time we spoke, he asked me for money, and I lost it.  I raged, cried and screamed at him.  The wolverine in me appeared.  And I did send him money.  Again, I  gave in. Afterwards, I felt heartbroken and beat up.  It’s not like me to react the way I did, and I hated myself for it.  How can I protect myself and my heart?  How can I support him that would be in his best interest, and to show him that he needs to take responsibility for his life.  I only want the best for him.

The guide’s response:

Dearest one,

Never doubt the love you have for your child.  Never doubt that you have tried all that you consciously understood how to be a mother. It is not that I ask you to reexamine with a microscope, but I want you to look at your path—a blessed being of light. It was as if for the first time you had ever experienced love, in a way you had never known it before. It was love for you and love for your child.  And the love completed and fulfilled you in so many ways. It filled all the corners and the emptiness that you had experienced in your life. It made you feel that you had a place and a purpose, a radiant path for the two of you to walk.

Dearest one, the most powerful job or place to be in the physical world is to be a mother, to give life, to nurture, to protect. Sometimes this becomes confused with the needs of the self, you, present, not the mother. Blessed one, in many ways you have needed this child to be there for you. And you have created a dependency for you felt very much the need to have this love in your life.

Now you see that this love is overwhelming, and you know that there must be a teaching to strengthen this one so that he may stand strong, independent, trusting in self.

Well, you taught him to trust in you, that you would always be there. And you have been, yes, even financially.  Whenever in trouble you taught him that you would be there. And you are, my dear.  So be not angry with this situation, but understand why it is.

And now, you both need to go back to school and learn how to be mother and child, strong and independent, loving and supporting, without need, but with the greatest desire that each should grow and be.

You must own that that you have done. You must speak openly to him and you must say that you have created this, out of love for him. But that you now see that this has not helped him be strong. But in fact you believe that he is week and he must change this and believe that he is strong.  Trust that the way will be found by him.

The conversation, security, back and forth, is not a means of gutting and ending. You will always be this one’s mother, a guiding light. You can do this without it being a burden on you, but in fact an amazing gift to you. To understand that you have places within your being that are empty, and you need to fulfill them–not with things or stuff or money, but with love of self. Not in need, not “need” if you understand what I mean, but with love, gentle pure sweet love of self. And love for your child.  This can be. You need to stop in place and accept and be—-one to each other—in the most uncomplicated way.

Both will try to complicate the message and the means by which you achieve it. If you truly both stop and just simply be together with gentle words of love, support.  Conversation can give greater keys for growth than money ever could.

As to your burdening yourself with your thoughts and your mind, forgive yourself, love yourself. Look upon your child as a bright light, a wonderful gift, and you shall proceed in this.  Bless you, my dear.

Searching for time of birth

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Time

FC – dear guides, what is my time of birth?

I understand why in the process of finding this out you are not asking about. You are unsure of who you be… and your parents.  You are feeling like someone who has been cut adrift but still has ties that go into the abyss… and what are they?

You must choose what is important to you, the past, the present, for your future.

You have read a great deal and listened to many who have said that your past is who you are.  This isn’t true. Each second in the physical domain can be anew.  It is often seen that when spirits enter into a body for a healing there is often a magnificent change in the personality of the being and they are different from that second forward.  All that has occurred is that a choice has been made.  But you can do this yourself.

Firstly, I want you to ask examine why you ask.  Is it for some more analysis of who you be?

Why do you think you struggle so much with who you be?

You have adopted an understanding of who you are from others never taking time to ask yourself who you are.  This beautiful heart that beats in this wondrous being is yours.  You created it.  Your light and your love made it be.

You choose which part is more important.  To find the actual date of arriving in the physical plane will be quite a process and that is why, not yet will I give it to you.  I want you to search it first.  I want you to ask why the roadblocks.  I want you to truly understand what your choices are.

A message about parenting

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parent

It is such a huge job to be a parent.  Do you have any guidance on that?

It is the most amazing, growing time in the physical world.  When you offer the opportunity to a spirit to come through you, if you will stand and nurture and protect that being, you have already decided this before they come.   It is done in the place of learning, in between lifetimes.  You make a promise.  There are always amazing promises that is why no one parent without some degree of work and great, great growth.

I want to say from spirit that there is nothing but honor and love that you choose these paths.

And yet often looking back we often feel we could have done things differently or better.

If you can see that, then you have grown and I say amen.

If you were to look back and say I was totally perfect, why do they not see it, then you have not grown.  Humility is a great gift.  It is a sight to see that you are beautiful and growing, but in your perfection you have imperfection and if you can see them, that is when you can change them.

No one present in the physical world is perfect, but they are all perfect with their promises.

Some of those promises will be very difficult and they will make choices less than they should.  Sometimes they will stop in a moment of clarity and see what they may should have chosen and then  in the future choose it.  Amen.

It is fine to say yes,  I have learned through having this child and I grew this but then the feeling then is  what have we done to our children, have we failed them?

For you have not.  The balance and the play that works its way out is all about growing.  Some very new souls have the most wonderful parents because they never grow up, but they have not helped them or assisted in giving them a direction to be.  You could imagine a new soul giving birth to a new soul, total chaos, but it is so joyful.

It can also take the negative bent as well and be abusive and very harsh.  Mostly those promises are done by new and old beings.

Worry not of what you have done to your children.  Trust them in the power that they have.  But you are not finished yet.  There are still many aspects of being a parent that is not complete.

A daughter’s concern with her Mother’s choices

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Itsme11 – The new man in my mother’s life worries me. I am uncomfortable around him and I am uncomfortable with their plans of having children. The whole situation seems strange. I feel out of place and not part of anything. Something isn’t right, they are moving too fast, and I’m forced to accept so many changes all at once.

What a wonderful wise being you are.  By the time you receive this answer, many things may have changed, but I hope not you.  You have such wisdom to look upon these things in your life with a maturity and a kindness and you have deep love for your mother.  But you also know her loneliness and you fear that you will be replaced.  I will tell you, my dear, it is not so and it will not happen.

It is most important that your thoughts and your feelings be heard.  But in order to feel comfortable speaking them, you must first speak other than your mother or her friend.  You must speak with them with someone you feel safe with, who will not judge you, a real person, face to face.  I feel there are tears you need to cry or wants you need to feel.  There are beings in your life that will hear you and not judge you. They do not give you an opinion of what they believe.  You need to be heard.  In time you will need to say it without anger, or sadness, or fear to your mother but in a calm way, a gentle way, a loving way.

Please, dearest, know that you are surrounded by beautiful beings of light.  You might call them spirits or angels.  They are with you and you can talk with them, you may even hear an answer if you are still and quiet.  The most important thing is to find a being that you can trust to speak about this.

It will help you.  It will help you, my dear.

Grieving a beloved brother

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KBC – my brother’s passing.  We had such hopes for a transplant but it did not come in time. My beloved brother passed away Sept 8 in Toronto. I am struggling to make sense of his death so young when he had so much to give. Would greatly appreciate insight from the guides as how he is doing in this transition and if he can sense me sending my deep love and appreciation to him.

No, blessed one, his path was perfect.  He learned, he grew and is in a time of great learning now.  The pain of separation that you feel in the depths of your being do not exist in spirit.   He feels love, gratitude and thankfulness and a wonderful knowing of yet many things and opportunities to be.  You know that this one hears you.  You know that this one has always heard you.  And you are one of great communication.  You are doubting your communication to receive.   It is only in your grief, in your loss.

It is hard to understand that such pain in the physical world is such a rejoice in spirit.  As you await a new babe in your world we await the reunion where he dwells.  Worry not of him. Continue to speak,  continue to communicate for this one is close, not far away. I know you want to know why it didn’t work for him, but dearest, it did. Many grew, many evolved in an instance in his presence and you know that is what it is that he wanted that all beings should find their truth.  There are struggles of the physical but his spirit is pure and beautiful.

I am sorry, my dearest, you are in pain.  Each time you feel that pain, encapsulating your heart, I want you to melt it with the love that he is well and you did beautifully.  There are many things for you to do here.  Take time to grieve and with each day bring that amazing light and love into your heart knowing that you had a wonderful growth and experience with one very rare beautiful light.  Bless you my child.

Expecting a child and concern about relationship

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                                          Thank you to Danielle Stahl (photographer) for use of this image.

 LS – Dear Spirit Guides, this question is in regards to my partner who I love very much. For a long time, in fact almost his whole life, my partner struggles with adapting to society and its system (social, financial, political). He despises many things that seem too conventional for him and he even despises those aspects in my life that according to him are too conventional. In his dark moments which seem to increase these days he feels a very strong resistance towards living in this world and in this society, it is as if his soul does not want to be here. He told me that for the most part of his life he could not stand what is going on around him. His ideology is totally opposed to what happens in society and in everyday life. He tried to look for alternatives but somehow he is still stuck in his situation. He often feels a strong tension in his chest and has sleeping problems. Friends offered him alternative healing sessions but he refuses to take the offer. He is very stubborn. From the first moment on I met my partner I could feel his heaviness and weight that he is carrying around. However, his inner resistance towards things is now becoming like a heavy burden on me too, especially as we are expecting a baby together.

What is the cause of his suffering and resistance? What can I do to support him without participate in his dark moods? I am very thankful for your support and answer.

Blessed, blessed child, of course you realize you cannot do growth for this one.  That it is much better if this one would ask how to help himself.  Instead, you work so hard trying to make it lovely for him. You know within yourself his upbringing was less than perfect and therein lies the difficulty.  The loneliness, the strict rules that had nothing to do with love.  And his moods will only get worst as the child comes into his life because the child is a key to a memory within himself, a great negative and difficulty.  

Be careful my dear for anger can build up in this one.  You must take care and protect yourself and your child.  He does want to parent.  He does want to live. He does want to find happiness and peace and he wants his child to have the same. But he had not made peace with his own life and unfortunately carries it like the dark burden you feel within him.  Love him but do not let him control your life to the point of any control over you.  He has been controlling you by telling you about his feelings.  He sees the worry in your eyes and in a very strange way it makes him feel good about himself.  This is not something you need to do alone, you should talk with others and get some understanding and help.  You are not alone, my dear, ask for help and do not be afraid.  You are strong.  You are a radiant being.

Who should she ask for help from, her friends, or a therapist?

Yes and for those beings (guides) that surround her.  She worries of him.  She needs to take care of herself.  Not that he is a great threat upon her, but this is not the life she wants for her or her child.  She wants joy and happiness and this can be.  She must take action now.  He has been controlling the issues and she has been allowing this.  Be the light that you are. Seek help to understand and give yourself information so you can feel an equal with this one.  That is important.  Bless you my child.