My son has had problems for the past 14 years. I have always been there for him supporting him, providing shelter, listening to him, sending money. I am not sure if the way I have been supporting him has been in his best interest. I love him very much. He has a beautiful heart, and is a gentle soul. But he keeps putting himself in situations, where he calls me to bail him out. But now, I am very tired of the drama, and don’t want to hear it anymore. And I’ve also asked him not to ask me for money anymore. And as I explained to him, I am on a limited income and am not in a position to send him money. But the boundary keeps sliding. The last time we spoke, he asked me for money, and I lost it. I raged, cried and screamed at him. The wolverine in me appeared. And I did send him money. Again, I gave in. Afterwards, I felt heartbroken and beat up. It’s not like me to react the way I did, and I hated myself for it. How can I protect myself and my heart? How can I support him that would be in his best interest, and to show him that he needs to take responsibility for his life. I only want the best for him.
The guide’s response:
Never doubt the love you have for your child. Never doubt that you have tried all that you consciously understood how to be a mother. It is not that I ask you to reexamine with a microscope, but I want you to look at your path—a blessed being of light. It was as if for the first time you had ever experienced love, in a way you had never known it before. It was love for you and love for your child. And the love completed and fulfilled you in so many ways. It filled all the corners and the emptiness that you had experienced in your life. It made you feel that you had a place and a purpose, a radiant path for the two of you to walk.
Dearest one, the most powerful job or place to be in the physical world is to be a mother, to give life, to nurture, to protect. Sometimes this becomes confused with the needs of the self, you, present, not the mother. Blessed one, in many ways you have needed this child to be there for you. And you have created a dependency for you felt very much the need to have this love in your life.
Now you see that this love is overwhelming, and you know that there must be a teaching to strengthen this one so that he may stand strong, independent, trusting in self.
Well, you taught him to trust in you, that you would always be there. And you have been, yes, even financially. Whenever in trouble you taught him that you would be there. And you are, my dear. So be not angry with this situation, but understand why it is.
And now, you both need to go back to school and learn how to be mother and child, strong and independent, loving and supporting, without need, but with the greatest desire that each should grow and be.
You must own that that you have done. You must speak openly to him and you must say that you have created this, out of love for him. But that you now see that this has not helped him be strong. But in fact you believe that he is week and he must change this and believe that he is strong. Trust that the way will be found by him.
The conversation, security, back and forth, is not a means of gutting and ending. You will always be this one’s mother, a guiding light. You can do this without it being a burden on you, but in fact an amazing gift to you. To understand that you have places within your being that are empty, and you need to fulfill them–not with things or stuff or money, but with love of self. Not in need, not “need” if you understand what I mean, but with love, gentle pure sweet love of self. And love for your child. This can be. You need to stop in place and accept and be—-one to each other—in the most uncomplicated way.
Both will try to complicate the message and the means by which you achieve it. If you truly both stop and just simply be together with gentle words of love, support. Conversation can give greater keys for growth than money ever could.
As to your burdening yourself with your thoughts and your mind, forgive yourself, love yourself. Look upon your child as a bright light, a wonderful gift, and you shall proceed in this. Bless you, my dear.